Letting out the noise inside of me...

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 19:41:32 GMT

this worlds messed up...............idgi

Fri, 25 Feb 2005 01:06:45 GMT

our bond is bullet proof
what ever you go through
i will too
by your side
hand in hand
for you are like no other
i look up at you with endless pride
even through your roughest of times
you still seem immortal to me
your essance of perfection
may not exist to the naked eye
but to me it seems to glow
for you are amazing
in each and every aspect
above all those who i meet
youre a never ending love
in which no person can ruin
youre my role models
my best friends
my sisters

Sun, 20 Feb 2005 05:38:44 GMT

If you read this, even if I don't speak to you often, you must post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad, just so long as it happened.
Then post this to your journal. See what people remember about you.

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 02:03:57 GMT

Your Inner Gangsta by crash_and_burn

What is yo name?

Yo gangsta name be

Cold Cappa

You ride around in a

1964 Chevy Impala

Yo gang

The Yakuza

Yo shoes be

Chuck Taylors

Yo dubs be dis big, fool

3,838

How much money you got?

$4.17723701583937e+26

How gangsta are you, bitch?: 91%

Quiz created with MemeGen!

sam...gangster?? hahaha

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 03:15:51 GMT

Note to OCS: it was weird, seeing all of you. after all that has happened in the past 8 months while i was there and while i wasnt and people enjoyed talking. i was nervous as first..as aimee knows. seeing the familiar faces which had once brought me both happiness and disappointment was uneasy and relieving at the same time. but, maybe now that ive seen you all again, this all can come to peace, and just let me be. i miss you all again already, some for who you are, some for who you used to be, and some for no reason at all. whether its another 6 months til i see you again or i see you tomarrow, bye and you guys were truely astonishing. you should be proud of the show you all pulled off.
<3 Always,
Sammy

Thu, 27 Jan 2005 20:36:25 GMT

pain in your face
burned with regret
brutally carved
from your broken heart
once filled with hope
where happiness awaited
exactly what it deserved
but it didnt come out fair
it became the scar
the price you had to pay
for your bliss and cheer
now that your eyes are open
to what it really was
everything is over
or so it seems to be

uhgpreretarjutpoireahtairehtareuht

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 05:18:49 GMT

the normality seems so far away
when my imagination runs wild
of whats next to come in this
this crazy expirence which wont end

make it end for the better
for i cant take the worse
i want to throw away my paranoia
i want to reclaim my life

where did it go
the sturdy structure upon which it stood
is now breaking into pieces
just waiting for it to shatter
or maybe somone will fix it

i just want it to end
either way

place name here

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 01:30:00 GMT

wipe away the make-up
behind which you hide
its impossible to cover
who you were meant to be
the person you should have become
but you gave away her soul
instead u live, hiding behind
you designer clothes
and pounds of makeup
trying to look like her
a girl whom you werenot meant to be
you quiver with fear
as i take off your make-up
and reveal who you really are
but its impossible isnt it
to be as you should
because her ways wont leave you
there forever embedded into your soul
once innocent and vunerable
now fake and scarred
by your very best friend
who have you become
i dont know you anymore
and i dont think i want to

note: this poem is not to anyone whom i care about.....

sing myself to sanity

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 05:34:45 GMT

singing myself to sanity
the bitter sweet crazyness
of my salted tear
having faith in each word
that comes out of my parted lips
musical cruelty, sugar-coating reality
forces me to believe its words
although they seem to good to be truthful
words that dry the streaks of salt
running down my cheek
should i believe
the optimistic lies
or live in a world
of sorrowful tears
listening to the words
of my emotional break-down
trying to be able to
sing myself to sanity

Shadow Dance

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 00:53:58 GMT

shadow dances
symmetrical to the salty flesh
following every mood
dance of the shadows
come awake with me
with the light of my dance
each turn need not be criticized
perfect in every move
follow my lead
my partner for life
cast beside me by the light
never leave my side

gravity

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 00:24:51 GMT

hold on tight
dont give in
gravity's against it
just hoping it can't win

keep on pulling
for without it im through
reaching for sanity
survival relys on you

just dont let go
or i will fall
unable to be saved
unable to stand tall

dont give in to gravity
for it will give a fight
just dont let go
hold on tight

survey

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 03:19:35 GMT

Last Time You..
Really Smiled : umm...now
Laughed: 2 seconds ago
Cried: um.. a few days ago?
Danced: a few seconds ago
Watched your favorite movie: depends which 'favorite' you mean
Had a nightmare: idk last night i think
Last thing you had to drink: tea
Last time you showered: like an hour ago
Last thing you ate: icecream

Regular Shit
Name: Sam
Do you like it?: yes'm
Nicknames: too many to name, and remember
Screen names: dont wanna say, dont want some people to have it
Birthday: 3/5
Sign: pieces
Location: New York
School: cms
Natural hair color: red/brown/some blonde in the summer
Current hair color: see above
Eye color: Brownish greenish
Height: 5'1 or 2"
Shoe size: 5.5 heh small feet

Family
Parents: bonnie (aka the bonninator haha jill and aud) and jeff
Siblings: dos
Live with: my parent and sisters when there not in college
favorite relative: if 2nd cousins count, julie

Favorites
Number:idk
Color: HOT pink.
Day: depends on my plans....but prob sat
Month: March?
Songs: Hear My Song, empty apartment, see all green day cds, view from heaven, and so many more mann
Movie: wow, way too many to list.
Food: chocolates fun
Season: winter
Class: idk, it used to be english, until this year with mr hobbes ...
Teacher: ziello!!
Drink: iced tea
Animal: puppies, monkeys, sexy rhinos like audrey, skater hippos like lauren
Flower: idk
State: NY<3

The Past
What is the one thing you would change about your past?: i woudlt let myself get to close to some of my 'friends'
Last thing you heard: my typing
Last thing you saw: the computer
Last thing you said: "haha"

The Present
What are you wearing?: pj pants, sweatshirt, socks
What are you doing?: surveying
Who are you talking to?: josh and courtney
What song are you listening to?: vindicated--dashboard confessional
Where are you?: The den
Are you online?:yes
How are you feeling?: pretty good, a bit sick, but josh and courtney make me laugh

Future
What day is it tomorrow?: NEW YEARS EVE
What are you going to do after this?: talk to people
Who are you going to talk to?: josh and court prob
Where are you going to go?: ill stay here
How old will you be when you graduate?: 18
What are you going to do?: Act. Write. go to college.
What do you wanna be?: idk
What is one of your dreams?: just have one true friend, to last a lifetime
Where will you be in 25 years?: idk

Who..
Makes you laugh the most: jenn susie brookie josh court kels
Makes you smile: rebecca
Gives you a funny feeling when you see them: idk
Do you have a crush on: u asked this already
Can make you feel better no matter what: my mom jenn kelsey brooke josh courtney susie

Best
cologne: idk
perfume: hypnotic poison (ooooh i miss val)
most recent advice given to you: dont wanna really put it here...but its was from josh

Have You..
Fallen for your best friend?: Nah.
Made out with JUST a friend?: no.
Been in love?: Never.
Used someone?: noo
Been used?: no
Cheated on someone?: Nah.
Been cheated on?: Not to my knowledge.
Done something you regret?: Not really.

Who Was The Last Person..
You talked to?: josh and courtney
You hugged?: My mom.
You instant messaged?: court
You yelled at?: heh...
You laughed with?: josh
Who broke your heart?: Still in perfect shape, baby.
Who told you they loved you?: michele and jenn

Other
Do you write in cursive or print?: Both.
Are you a lefty or a righty?: Righty.
What is your sexual preference?: Men.
What piercings do you have?: ears
Any tattoos?: noo
Do you drive?: No.
do you have glasses or braces?: both :0/
Did you like this survey?: ehh

Three things that scare me:
1: Death
2: being alone
3: losing people

Three people who make me laugh:
1: josh
2. courtney
3: audrey

Three Things I love:
1: theatre
2: Music
3: my sisters

Three Things I hate:
1: fake people
2: annoying stupid fake people
3: certain people

Three things I don't understand:
1: people
2: life
3: why im doing htis

Three things I'm doing right now:
1: Sitting.
2: Typing.
3: Thinking.

Three things I want to do before I die:
1: Fall in love.
2: Get one piece of writing published
3: Be satisfied wit my life

Three things I can't do:
1: sit in english without getting yelled at for absolutely nothing
2: go a day w.o talking to my friends
3: stop writing....never tried, but dont htink i could

noticee thing

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 18:59:12 GMT

note: somoene made this stupid sn and told me to stop posting my poerty, comparing it to a episode of doug, actually i found it pretty funny that there telling me what to put in here because this is MY livejournal, and if you dont like it, stop reading it. cuz im not making you read it, nor to i have it in my profile, therefore nobody has a right to tell me what i can and cannot post in it. once again, if you dont like it, dont read it. its your choice. thanx :] Sam

i<3K P A!!! best friends forever mann

Fri, 24 Dec 2004 03:22:15 GMT

although it seems impossible
its time to let go
let him out of your heart
he was only there for the show

dry your eyes
so weak from crying
he wasnt worth
you feeling like dying

the pain it caused
and nothing had changed
shooting pains through the heart
that he hadnt claimed

although it had seemed
he hadnt cared
he did, as a friend
friendship remains there

but do not look
to get anymore
for then you will be found
broken on the floor

your pain is unbearable
for so many to see
pain he caused
from what he couldnt be

*dedicated to the coolest ever!!!!*

only the good die young

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 22:28:53 GMT

press of a button
the musics flare
piercing noises
fill the air

calling out to me
'only the good die young'
its the truth,unbearable
that their time has come

open up the eyes
of all around
the deaths of young
are heaven bound

but why be good
if it means the end
innocents departed
unable to mend

always and forever
life stolen from the kind
serenity robbed
unable to find

only the good die young

reflection

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 02:35:14 GMT

just one single glare
relections staring back at me
whos the girl in the mirror
i cannot tell who i see

that cant be my reflection
for it all seems wrong
its all a surreal version
my lifes another song

my eyes seem to sparkle with white
in the reflection of whoever i see
but for real there read from crying
fragile heart's broken as can be

flesh hits the mirror, shattering it
blood dripping from the weak skin
for this is the right reflection
of how i am within

once living in the past

Wed, 15 Dec 2004 00:30:36 GMT

I once was stuck in the darkness
of the ever hurting past
memories that haunted
i thought it would always last

but now its leaving
for you keep it away
you made things better
living for the next day

not looking upon the past
as times broken time and again
looking upon the future
with you as my friend

for you made it better
traces of a true smile
with out wet cheaks
making it worth while

loser

Sat, 11 Dec 2004 21:14:39 GMT

dont say a word
label her or her friends
i want to know what made you say
what you did in the end

do me a favor
wont you please
tell me what loser is
what you think it means

is it the girl not wearing make-up
covered in it, pounds it seems
but isnt make-up covering up
how your face should be seen

is it the girl who isnt
dressed in brand names, head to toe
but arent those just worth money
a loser isnt defined by clothes

is it where they sit at lunch
with the losers, she calls friends
well a losers friends arent backstabbing
there in it til the end

so who is the loser now
now that you see through my eyes
popularity is for a wimp
uses make up to cover their lies

losers or not you should see
how people truely are
for i promise one ting to you forever
the "losers" will go far

for they are the ones who are pure
and nice in every way
they are the ones who are truely loving
to their friends each day

so hello miss popularity
are you ready to define
or did i shut you up from saying words
my truth instead of your lie

im sorry

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 03:20:44 GMT

i dont know what to say
for now i have open eyes
im sorry for bothering you
letting you hear my cries

i know it isnt right
the way i get so sad
but coming to u i felt like something
something not so bad

but ill stop now
for i see im unwanted here
i wont tell you of my pain
i wont tell you of each tear

ill wire my mouth shut
learn to fake a better smile
no matter what happenes
ill try and wait a while

a while til i truely look to see you
a while til we speak again
a while til i can unwire my mouth
and have you as my friend

ill have to wait sometime
ill pretend your seat is bare
stop from bothering you
stop from hearing u care

im sorry for whatever
i did that was wrong
im sorry i didnt realize
im sorry it took me so long

mr death

Sun, 05 Dec 2004 21:48:06 GMT

no matter where i turn
there you are
staring at me
laughing from afar

well am i aceing your test
as i watch each person pass
will you ever give in
or will this forever last

the red in your eyes
as i see you smile
youve stood watching me
its been a long while

but your not even real
not something to see
but only to feel
all the pain you cause me

your visions so clear
as i imagine you
for the things that happen
something invisible cant do

well hello mr death
if your there or not
unchain me from your evil
release me from your plot

get me away from you
in all your schemes
for each time i smile
it isnt as it seems

Hello mr death
its time to make you see
everything you do
how it burns at me

so get me away
from all the pain you make
get me away from you
each life you have to take

im so sick of it
all the pain i feel
and the thing that causes it
might not be real

so are you real mr death
is there a mrs too
is there a reason for all
the pain i blame to you

Memories of Elite

Sat, 04 Dec 2004 04:30:27 GMT

i see you when im awake
i see you in my dreams
i want to escape you
but it isnt as it seems

your face gives me nightmares
your voice makes me tremble with fear
all of the memories
from that horrid year

escaping you seems impossible
for when i think i do
something comes up
and it brings along you

memories of your screams
your unforgetable in every way
seeing my sister eyes
tear from you each day

you tried to make her yours
your perfect dancer to see
but as saw perfection
was a disaster to me

i dont see through your mirrors
the images you make
i wont use your bar for balance
no more tears to face

but now i will let go
for you are my past
i dont want to dance your music
i wont let your memories last

look in your eyes

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 00:10:49 GMT

i can tell by the look in your eyes
everything isnt alright
life has burried you alive

i know that you want to throw it all away
get a new name, face , life
start over, on a new day

close your eyes hope for tomarrow
everything will be okay
youll escape the pain and sorrow

open your eyes hopeful and true
but nothings has changed
its all the same for you

but someday itll disappear
until then keep those open eyes
for i am always here

helpless

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 23:53:36 GMT

trembling hands
chills down my spine
but the air is warm
all around me's fine

its just inside
im so confused
feeling so helpless
worn and used

helpless from
my watered eyes
from each tear
from all my cries

helpless from
the things you said
made me feel broken
like i was dead

helpless from
trying to stop you
your power over me
the things you would do

but now im alone shivering
without you as a friend
escaping your torchure
until the very end

i loved you for so long
you were the very best
but you have tochured my heart
left my life a mess

but todays the day ill pick it all up
and shove in your face
todays the day escape you forever
for with you im a waste

goodbye to all the times
you kicked me to the floor
goodbye to the one whom i hate
but i used to adore

goodbye

Mon, 29 Nov 2004 01:03:51 GMT

all of the times
spent with you
the unsaid things
u hadnt a clue

heres my chance to say
although you wont hear
all the things i felt
when you were near

i loved you like family
i hoped you would stay
but goodbye is the one thing
i wish i got to say

i never got to say
how much ill miss you
once you were gone
i didnt kno what i would do

i never got to say
let out the only word
the one out of my mouth
i ignored when i heard

goodbye for forever
goodbye til the end
goodbye as family
goodbye my friend

goodbye...

um...old poem....never put it in

Sun, 28 Nov 2004 21:43:35 GMT

Mari

if tears could build a staircase
and memories a lane
id walk right up to heaven
and bring yu home again
it wasnt long enough
the time i had with you
but now youre in heaven
and theres nothing i can do
i was never able to say good bye
i cant believe i never got to say
how much i was going to miss you
when you went away
but now your gone for good
and i miss you so
i hope i get to see you
when its my turn to go

rest in peace....august 5 2004 <33...i love you